Racing towards a non-existent finishing line has always been a common theme in my life. This pandemic has forced me to reframe my attitudes on productivity, being proactive and to confront the guilt I feel for not working quick enough, for not achieving enough in my daily life. 

In Lockdown 1.0 I was baking non-stop, I took up watercolour painting and got really, really into a computer game. Now I'm in a similar lockdown, with multiple 'indoor hobbies' I could take up, but the teeny tiny little problem, is that I just really can't be bothered to? 

Even some of the things I usually love doing are beginning to feel like a bit too much, or they feel like I'd be wasting my time, not being proactive, not producing a good enough output.

Sometimes, even choosing a book to read feels like I'm making a decision on buying my future home and committing to a mortgage.

Sometimes, even cooking a nice dinner feels exciting but then, I'm reminded of the severe lack of dinner parties and no friends to share my food with?

Sometimes, even choosing something to watch on the TV feels like just a bit too much commitment and dedication for one evening?

Comparison is another thing that's really screwing us over right now with our perceptions of productivity. I find myself being inspired to start calligraphy properly and yet, look at all those amazing artists on Instagram with their perfectly crafted designs? Look at all those Etsy shops, how could I possibly be as good as that and, if I'm not, should I even bother? I forget that those people spent hours, days, months, years learning their craft. I forget that a hobby doesn't require an output for Instagram. It doesn't need external validation. Hell, it doesn't even need to be good? 

From speaking to friends, it feels like I'm not the only one having problems. We seem to be going in waves and one minute someone's smashed a target on Strava, the next minute they have literally nothing to say apart from that they made a nice breakfast that morning.

All this is why I've been trying to figure out what to do about this guilt, this perception of laziness. The main thing has been trying to lower my expectations of productivity and reframing the little things in my day to make me feel like I'm absolutely smashing life, even if all I did was make a pretty coffee that morning...

Things that sound lame and probably are, like:

1. Becoming a 'local legend' on Strava, meaning I completed more attempts at a 'segment' than anyone else in 90 days
2. Putting moisturiser on
3. Having a snack that isn't unhealthy
4. Stretching for 1 minute of the day
5. Getting a new high score in Sudoku
6. Replicating my favourite restaurant's recipes
7. Spreading a new TV show out over a few weeks, rather than binge-watching
8. Having a phone call with friends or family
9. Making a smoothie to avoid starting work in the morning
10. Reading literally 1 article, but it's a good article.

I can't imagine myself describing any of these as productive this time last year, but when I reframe my attitude towards them, when I start seeing them as genuine achievements purely because they made me smile, I feel the pressure ease slightly and the anxiety reduce.

This anxiety over not achieving anything, not having a 'productive day' has got to stop. As much as I recoil slightly at the phrase 'be kind to yourself', it's incredibly accurate and particularly important right now.

So, I am vowing to lower my expectation of productivity by attempting all of the following:

1. Actually try to be nice to yourself
2. Change your perception of what's productive & what's not
3. Avoid judging others on their productivity levels
4. Avoid comparing yourself to others on their productivity levels